Rustyscreech

So like New Years is my favorite holiday so I'm just gonna type out all my thoughts and feelings about the year in one journal without much editing so here we go.
IDK how many of you guys know but this year was the first year I've ever had this hopeless of a crush on someone and honestly that's at the forefront of my mind always and I hate it so
GOAL #1 FOR THE NEW YEAR IS GET OVER HIM
Honestly it's been, what, almost six months? Like that's seriously not okay??? Help??!?
No but it's driven me pretty close to what could be called insanity
Plus I got to spend new years with him 
And now my sweatshirt smells like incense because he's got a weird obsession
But it reminds me of him
And now I need help
Lots of help
Help
Met him at band camp because he's only a freshman, and started crushing on him pretty soon after, but at the time I was in a sort of weird quasi-relationship with another guy because I was waiting until my parents would be chill enough for me to date but like I don't think I ever truly liked him back? Anyway so that kinda drove me to tears literally like every night until once school started up and I ended the relationship because I couldn't take the stress anymore so yeah that happened.
I got my first kiss from one of my girl friends too about the same time so that was awesome
Anyway eventually I started dating this other guy because you know I needed to not hate myself (god this sounds awful) but like that barely lasted because we didn't pay attention to each other at all.
And literally like the entire time I still liked the other guy sO.
Yeah I found out he didn't like me back and it was super rough for a while but I mean
Ehh
I also spent some time super jealous of this other girl that he hangs out with a lot (THAT HE ACTUALLY ALMOST GOT WITH ABOUT A MONTH AFTER I GOT OVER THE JEALOUSY BUT THEN SHE LIKE TOTALLY BROKE HIS HEART AND I HAD TO HELP HIM LIKE NOT WALLOW IN SADNESS AND THAT'S WHEN I GOT CLOSER TO HIM SO) but ehh
oooooOOOOo Story Times
So our football team is really bad but we like scraped a spot into the playoffs, but since we were so far behind we had to travel like five hours away for the game. Which meant the band had to take a small group there too.
I went and so did my crush right
We agreed to sit next to each other for the bus ride cuz like I don't have friends and neither does he so
Yeah
Come to find out we've got ASSIGNED SEATING all based on GENDER because you know HETERONORMATIVITY
Anyway I was kinda pissed about that but I still got to sit in like the general vicinity of my friends (most of whom are guys btw) so I guess it was okay.
Come game time and for some reason my crush is being like super friendly like way more than usual but you know I'm not complaining right? Better for me anyway. Yeah so it was a cold night and I go up to him and said "Hey my hands are cold you should hold them" AND HE ACTUALLY DID FOR A BIT but then he was like "Dang they really are cold" so he gave me his beanie to warm my hands.
His beanie also smelled faintly of incense.
Yeah that same night he also took one of my dog tags with my name on it (he still has it) and bought me hot chocolate like??? Do you get what you're doing to me?????!!??
BUT THAT'S NOT THE BEST PART OF THE STORY
Yeah so my bus buddy agreed to switch spots with him once our assistant band director turned off the bus lights for the ride back and she did so I got to sit and literally like hardcore cuddle with the guy that I liked for like four months at that point for five solid hours. FIVE SOLID HOURS OF SNUGGLING.
Best part is, our director like got up every so often to check on people to see if they're following the rules so every time he got up we would instantly break apart and play it cool right cuz we're not STUPID.
Our director literally broke up and fussed at like TWO COUPLES WHO DID THE SAME THING AS ME AND MY CRUSH and NEVER NOTICED US. And all those couples were very near us and it was just
It was hilarious to be frank

Idk I'm just kinda eehhhhh at last year because I know I've made mistakes, I know I'm awful, but like I know a lot of wonderful things happened too?? LIke???? But I'm so focused on trying to forget the past and it's really hard
Like I feel like I've ruined a lot of relationships without trying and I hate it
Like
RUINED
Like we could have been close, or trusting, but no I have to always fixate then pour my heart out because I'm way too sentimental and can't handle emotion even though everything I've talked about is just so trivial
I really just want to be happy with ME but that's not happening

2016 GOAL #2
Be happy with myself

Ugh
This was supposed to be good and now I feel bad
Just ignore this I know no one read it
God I'm  awful

Seriously this is the best remix I've heard yet??? 

I'm probably gonna spam you guys with the ridiculous amount of traditional art I've been doing sometime this week.
Prepare yourselves.

~Answering things since the tenth century~
I guess I'm a little late but here goes the DEVIANTART QUESTIONNAIRE

1. How long have you been on DeviantArt?
   Oh geez, a little over a year I think. I joined in June of last year.

2. What does your username mean?
   MY FAVORITE STORY
   So waaaay back in my days as a wee fan, my favorite book series was the Guardians of Ga'Hoole series. Me and my friend were really into it, like, "role playing fan characters and tying it into the canon" into it.
   My character that represented me was this screech owl named Rusty.
   And idk, I signed up for Disney Create under that username and it just kinda grew on me and became my entire online persona.
   I AM Rusty now.

3. Describe yourself in three words.
   Please help me

4. Are you left or right handed?
   Right hand master race

5. What was your first deviation?
   Do I have to
   *sighs*
   
   ^^^This monstrosity.
   IDK she's still a nice OC It's just the ART.

6. What is your favourite type of art to create?
   Digital paintings, really. I guess it stems from my experience with my first real digital art program being DESIGNED to make very painterly art. I also make a bunch of fanart because I am not creative.
    Yeah there's too many to place all of them here. XD
   

7. If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be?
   Oh, it'd definitely have to be a clean cell shading style. I have this weird crutch where I can't just leave a single block of color. I can't bring myself to work on my cell shading even though I REALLY need to. *-*

8. What was your first favourite?
   Oh goodness here we go.
    rnist made this for me forever ago wow. ;u;
   

9. What type of art do you tend to favourite the most?
   Tbh it's mostly awesome pony fanart I think.

10. Who is your all-time favourite deviant artist?
    Don't you dare make me choose one. No. I refuse.
    Well I'll just make a masterlist of inspirations.
    Tsitra360 is definitely one of my biggest inspirations for pony art in the way of anatomy and dynamics and form and just yes.
    Yakovlev-vad too, for a lot of the same reasons.
    OverTheRhine90 was one of my first inspirations back in the Disney Create days, and has been a huge impact on my art career in those regards.
    AquaGalaxy is my senpai. Colors and painterly style and coloRS AND COLORS AND COLORS.
    Geez that's not even including my DC friends that have made a difference in my art.
    I look up to HikikoInk probably more than I should, also Pixel-Coyote has always been kinda a goddess? Idk I can't really think of all of them but chances are if you're a friend of mine then you have inspired my art.
    OH I FORGOT TO MENTION MY IRL BESTIE RalphinaCaredig WHO IS A CONSTANT SOURCE OF INSPIRATION AND GOALS.
    I KEEP FORGETTING PEOPLE WOW.
    I ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION CatsInTheClouds who is still like an idol to me wow. <3

11. If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be?
    Definitely HikikoInk or rodraws or Pixel-Coyote or Sprinkle-Kitties or CatsInTheClouds or geez there's too many.
    Most certainly the ones listed tho

12. How has a fellow deviant impacted your life?
    Well HikikoInk was like the first real online friend I've ever made ever and that means a whole lot to me. Like
    A LOT
    When we started making art back and forth back on DC I really felt like I mattered and that's just....I can't really put it into words but she means so much to me.
    Also CatsInTheClouds was the first friend I made on dA that wasn't originally from DC and in that regard means almost just as much? Cuz like dA isn't as closed a community as DC and all of a sudden I found this absolutely amazing and geeky artist who is simultaneously one of the nicest people I've ever had the pleasure of talking more like spazzy fangirlly yelling with.
    And really all my watchers that continue to support me, you guys rule. Seriously. I love every single piece of feedback I get. <3

13. What are your preferred tools to create art?
    Well, I still have a soft spot for MyPaint for real digital paintings, but I mostly use Paint Tool SAI with a Wacom Bamboo Create tablet. Sometimes I use Photoshop for pixel work, touchups, and edits but yeah.

14. What is the most inspirational place for you to create art?
    Really, just my living room listening to music. Usually while I'm alone. IDK, it's not really the place more than my own general attitude that inspires me.

15. What is your favourite DeviantArt memory?
    Oh there's too many to say a favorite. My first discovering CatsInTheClouds, my meeting back up with HikikoInk, the first time my art made it to EquestriaDaily (THAT was a pleasant surprise), and yeah. Really my favorite memories are always when I wake up to a bunch of really nice feedback. That little feedback icon makes me so giddy. ^-^